The Power of Mistakes

Perhaps the most common of human experiences is the making of mistakes. Mistakes are so universal to every life, they have become the basis for the concept of “being human”. Miscues and blunders form the foundation of knowledge and experience. Temporary failures are literally the building blocks for subsequent success. Even in the midst of universal commonality and the positivity of growth we usually bristle at the mention of our own mistakes. We try in vain to distance ourselves from them by blaming others or conditions. Mistakes can make us feel small and alone in failure, but there is a hidden beauty under the thorny facade of the mistake. The admitting and articulating of a personal mistake is the perfect tool to communicate a lesson and to teach another. 

The primary reason why great athletes seldom become successful coaches is because former star players have a hard time identifying with those who do not see the nuances of the game as clearly as they do. In the same vein, those of genius intellect often struggle with teaching others because they cannot relate to those of average intelligence. Parents can lose the ability to connect with their children by presenting an image of perfection which cannot be attained or related to. All of the aforementioned mentors have chosen as a manifestation of ego or fear to not speak of their own failures. They have not recognized and subsequently utilize the beautiful power of the mistake.

I felt the power of one of my mistakes years ago while coaching soccer to a group of children. One particular practice, I was teaching a boy to play goalie. We were moving together and fielding shots as I tried to explain different defensive angles. As the practice went on he became quite good at taking the proper angle and he was saving most of the shots. Then a weak shot came dribbling toward him and he casually bent over to pick it up. He missed the ball and it went through his legs and into the goal. I stopped practice and went over to him to explain that he must always guard against the ball going between his legs by intentionally keeping them together when fielding the ball. During my attempt at instruction, he looked down at the grass feeling the weight of failure in the presence of what he perceived to be my perfection. Sensing that I had lost him in this moment I asked if he knew why I was concerned about the ball going between his legs. His attention was reengaged by the question and looked up at me and shook his head. I answered my rhetorical question by telling him that when I was his age a ball had rolled harmlessly toward me in a game while I was playing goalie and I casually bent down to pick it up and it went through my legs for a goal. I went on to explain that I had to stand there as people laughed at me and that it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my athletic life. His face registered the look of shock and his eyes widened with the realization that his perfect coach had made a mistake. He saw that I was not judging him but instead I was trying to help him avoid the pain I had endured. My mistake became the bridge to his acceptance of instruction. From that moment forward the ball never went between his legs. 

The recounting of personal mistakes to another person in an effort to teach is a powerful tool for two very important reasons. First, in a teachable moment there is a hierarchical divide that must be navigated by the teacher. It is the space between the teacher, who seems to know everything and the student who feels ignorant. A teacher can cross this void by recounting their own mistake or failure in a similar or analogous situation. This reduction of space makes the message more palatable. Second, in the admission that their knowledge is born of their own mistake, a mentor diminishes the tenor of being judgmental. When the teacher admits to imperfection a pupil can more easily accept their own failings and thus be made ripe for learning and growth.

The teacher, the parent, the coach must realize that if the lesson or advice is going to be received, it must be packaged in genuine humility. It must be dispensed from a place which gives personal credence to the situation and blames failure on lack of experience not ignorance. The retelling of personal mistakes in similar circumstances brings equality to the discussion, removes judgement and opens the door for the passing on of knowledge. Our mistakes are not something to be hidden; they are gifts we can give to others.